Have you ever driven through a neighborhood where there were no fences between properties? I was looking at one today. Each house had a little island of play toys for the kids (swing set, jungle gym, kid swimming pool, etc) centered in the middle of each yard. This looked a bit odd to me since where I grew up, every yard had a fence, and we all knew better than to enter into somebody else’s yard. Why do you suppose it was always right in the middle?
I have heard of school districts where they didn’t want the kids to feel “fenced in” so they removed the fences all around the playground. The result was eye-opening. The children no longer played all over the playground, but instead stayed huddled together right in the middle. The removal of the fences instead of giving the kids more freedom, caused them to feel less secure, and they instinctively played close to the middle.
These two examples have something in common. Without well defined and secure boundaries we tend to stay away from the edges where we can enjoy fellowship and bonding with each other, and isolate to the center of ourselves. When we are not sure where one person ends, and the other person begins, we have to keep our distance to feel save and secure.
“Having good boundaries” means that you know who you are, and what feelings, emotions, and actions you can accept, or reject from others. You also know that you cannot invade the feeling, emotions, or space of others. Do you change the things you do just to make somebody else feel better? If you feel like you have no choice in the matter, than you are allowing that person to own a piece of you that you need to take ownership for yourself.
Check out the “yard” around your life. Is it fenced? Do your “neighbors” respect your space? Do you respect theirs? These become very important questions to face as we interrelate with others and enjoy the bonding with those whom God has brought into our lives.