The experience of proper bonding with another person has been for me the most enjoyable experience of my life. Too many times the baggage from past relationships or the hurtful experiences in our past drive us to improper bonding with others. This improper bonding usually develops into full blown co-dependency.
In proper bonding, closeness will come and go like the waves and tides in the ocean. The two separate persons will maintain their unique identity. When a person is very needy in their life as I was, the closeness becomes the goal, and enmeshment, becomes the resulting relationship. In enmeshment, a person gives up all of their boundaries at any cost. The cost is usually their independent identity.
In a dating relationship it is all too easy to become enmeshed. Both persons are trying to put the best foot forward to attract the other. If one of these persons has had past experiences that cause them to feel more needy, they may be all too willing to sacrifice their own space in order to experience the good feelings that come from the closeness of another.
When bonded properly, friendships can pass the test of time and distance. Some of my best friends live in other places in the country. I don’t see them very often, but when we do, the bond that we have formed in the past is still there just as strong as ever.
One of the lessons that infants learn early come from momma playing peek-a-boo. The child hopefully will learn that momma will can’t always be there to hold and comfort, and sometimes will be hidden. But the child can rest assured that mom will always be there with as much love as the child needs.