We cannot grow when we no longer participate in life. When life deals its inevitable hurts into our lives and we naturally want to retreat. Our place of retreat is usually some kind of self-made dungeon where we can feel sorry for ourselves and mope in the privacy of our own dark corner of isolation. To pass the time there, we may self-medicate ourselves with whatever we think might make us feel “just a little bit better”.
This self medication comes in many forms. If could be alcohol, drugs, food, workaholism, or whatever takes our mind off of the troubles. For me, my drug of choice was extreme religion. I wasn’t a wild-eyed radical who stood on street corners spouting hellfire and damnation to all who passed by. No, I simply convinced myself that if I put my trust in Jesus, I could live a life that is problem free. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Problems are an ever present part of every person’s life. Jesus came to give us grace to make it through the problems, not necessarily to deliver us from them.
When others come near our dungeon and try to draw us out, we often become more defensive, and perhaps display anger or other emotions that help the strengthen the walls of the dungeon we live in and make the isolation more complete. The last thing we want is to see a joyful person around us when we just want to be left alone. Alone and miserable.
As we begin to open the windows and doors to our dungeons and let the light of relationships shine in, we will first feel uncomfortable. It has been perhaps a long time since we have seen the light of day, or experienced the warmth of the sunshine against our skin. But the way to ultimately end the misery and find fulfillment in our lives is to let the sunlight begin to shine in on our dungeons. This light is the relationship we have with other people and the warmth of a real and lasting bond. You need to find safe people to relate with and begin to enjoy life in the light of healthy relationships.
When you have lived most of your life in a dark, dank dungeon, you can’t bear to just jump out into the light of day. You need to be sure that there is no present danger to you first, and then begin the journey to living life in the light.
Do you recognize the dungeon that you have created?
How much time do you spend there?
What causes you to retreat to your dungeon?
How do you treat others when you have set up residence in your dungeon?
Do you believe there is a life full of light and warmth waiting for you?
Do you know how to recognize the safe people in your life?