I have always felt that for the most part I have had a very good life. I have usually gotten the things I really wanted and things have generally always worked out for the best. My religious upbringing taught me such things as “All things work together for the good of those who love the lord.” I always had a sense that if I lived a life that was close to God, I couldn’t go wrong.
Then I found my life spiraling downward. The person inside me didn’t match the good person outside me. I was diagnosed as chronically depressed, but how can that be if “all things work for the good”? Even while I was taking anti-depressants, I wanted to deny the bad things that were happening to me. After all, I was one of God’s chosen “good guys”.
A closer investigation of my life revealed a deeper problem. Not only was I denying the feelings of depression, I was denying the bad things that I thought and did. In fact I was denying that there was any badness in me at all!
The fact is that there is goodness and badness in all of us. To think that we are all good or are all bad is denying a vital part of our life.
In one corner there is the Ideal Self. In the other corner is the Real Self. The ideal self is in the place of a judge over the real self. The badness that exists in the real self is unacceptable, and is condemned by the ideal self. These two are destined to be adversaries for life, unless we can step in and mediate the differences.