Month: November 2004

What does it mean to be an adult? Now we can stay up late, we don’t have to ask momma’s permission to go to a friend’s house, we can choose not to eat our vegetables etc.

While these are all valid choices that we can make, they are not all necessarily good choices. I have spent many years not eating my vegetables, and turned out overweight and old before my time. Luckily for me, God extended His grace to me and has helped me to re-make my body. For those of you who don’t see me regularly, so far I have lost over 25 lbs, and am still working slowly and steadily to a more health body and lifestyle.

As adults we take responsibility for our own domain. God has given us our own unique position and space in life and society that is ours to do with as we please – or not. The problem is that we still may advocate responsibility to others. Perhaps it’s the voice of mom you still hear in your head, and that keeps you from doing things your own unique way in your domain.

When we are born, we are a little person in a big person’s world. It can take a long time for us to overcome this feeling and grow into to the position God has ordained for us in His kingdom. It used to be said in the Evangelistic community that “God loves you, and has a wonderful plan for your life”. This is so true. Where we struggle is in the acceptance of God’s plan, and living our lives in a manner which is mindful of it.

As we deal with other people, much of our attitude is based on our early training. We need to learn to treat others with respect. The imbalance here is that we act like we have one up on the other person, or we feel that we are constantly one down from them. The fact is that in God’s eyes we are equal no matter what stations life has brought us through, and if we can learn to see each other through God’s eyes of Grace and Truth we can have the inner peace that come from bring right with God.

What areas of your life do you need to take charge of?

What issues in your life have been caused by other people? Is there anything they can do to fix that issue now?

In what situations do you feel “one down”?

In what situations do you feel “one up”?

Typically our lives are not improved without an effort. The good ol’ four letter word W_O_R_K. Bringing sanity and completeness to our lives by proper integrating the good and bad is no different. Here are some things we can do to help the process:

PRAY. David’s prayer in Psalms 139 says it best. “Search me, O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts see if there is any offensive way in me , and lead me in the way everlasting” Ask God to shine his light into your soul and reveal anything that you are unaware of. Then ask his forgiveness for it.

Rework the Ideal – Much of the content of our ideal self is false; it is not what an ideal person would be. Check out what needs to be eliminated from your picture of what an ideal you would be. You may need to delete some ideals that come from your family or the culture, instead of from God.

Rework Distortions – Challenge your distorted views of God, yourself, and others. These strongly held beliefs don’t give way easily, but in new relationships, you can unlearn them. Study the Scriptures to see what they say about our ideal, our reality, and what God and salvation are really like.

Monitor the Relationship Between the Ideal and the Real – Listen to the way you respond to the less than ideal. Do you deny it? Do you deny the good? Do you attack and judge? Do you accept and forgive? Many people are stunned to find out how much they attack themselves and others.

Practice Loving the Less than Ideal in Others – Learning to accept badness and weakness in others brings healing in the split of the good and bad. Stay connected to others when they are less than ideal, and you will begin to value real relationship and stop demanding idealism. In this way, attachment increases, and your ability to love grows. The less than ideal begins to matter more than the ideal because you have a real relationship.

Do Not Discard Others When They Are Less Than Perfect – If you have had trouble with going from friend to friend, spouse to spouse, church to church, because you find some little flaw and make them all bad, work on staying in connection and working out the problem. Actively see the good as well as the bad, and love the whole person. Make reality your friend instead of your enemy.

Process and Value Negative Feelings – When you are committed to reality, to both the good and the bad, you will begin to see negative feelings as a part of life. If you fear them less, you can then process them as they arise and avoid all the problems listed in the last chapter. Most problems with negative feelings come from a fear about them. They really are not as bad as you fear they are. Negative feelings will not kill you, but avoiding them may.

Expect Badness and Weakness from Everyone – I’m not suggesting you turn into a pessimist. I’m saying, “Be a realist.” Everyone you know, including yourself, has good and bad, strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, expect to see them in action. When the faults come, embrace them and love them so that you can overcome your splitting of good and bad as well as feel closer to others.

Expect Faults from the Creation – Because the world is real, not ideal, everything can eventually break down. Every holiday you plan can potentially get rained out. Every plant you grow will have some dead leaves. Expect things to go wrong, and you will not be surprised. You will be able to value that less-than-ideal car, house, city that you have or live in. It may not be ideal, but it’s probably good enough.