The Miller Family – WWG1WGA

Beautifully Broken the Early Years

I was quite a lonely child growing up. In fact I feel that loneliness has produced the greatest ongoing pain in my whole life. I was the youngest and my next older sibling was my brother who was 6 years older than I. I was definitely not in his circle of friends to hang out with. My parents were older than most kids parents my age. They didn’t do much with me either. Most of my school classmates lived far away and none really close enough hang out with. I believe that I pretty much left alone to navigate the complexities of life on my own.

I can remember at times really hurting for some or any connection from anybody. Walking around the house just sobbing. My dad’s quick answer was “Stop your crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.” You see he espoused the firm belief that “Children should be seen and NOT heard”. The only comfort I received from my mother was “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.” Yes that’s right. Not very comforting at all.

What they seemed to be teaching me was that its was never OK to let people know that I was hurting and even if I did, they don’t really care anyway. Years of going to church didn’t help me much either. Mostly when I would meet somebody on Sunday morning and they greet me with “How’s it going?” Instead of answering the question deeply and honestly like I would want to, I would just say “Fine” and move on. To say more is not only socially unacceptable, but has the potential to create even more damage when their reaction shows how much they just don’t really care. It’s the same way in most of our modern culture. Suppress your true feelings. Don’t admit to feeling any pain. Just smile and be nice. Meanwhile that inner pain just becomes like background noise in your life. Perhaps like a toothache that is never treated, always there and never acknowledged or dealt with and maybe growing more severe over time.

I believe that over the 60 plus years of my life, the people that I have shared this pain with have for the most part wanted to be ‘fixers’. What I mean is that their answer mostly external “Try Harder” exercises. They say things like “You are thinking wrong”, “I had worse parents than yours, and I got ‘over’ my hurts”. In the past several weeks. I believe that I just hear Jesus saying “I know you are broken, I love you anyway. I came an shed my blood out of my ultimate love for you.” I see myself now still broken and I believe I have to accept that. My broken pieces are being knitted back to wholeness by the blood of Jesus which is the only thing that can keep my broken pieces together.

Remember what is important.

I wanted to reflect on the dream I had last night. I was at home with my 2 young daughters. It was stormy outside but nice and warm inside. My younger daughter was playing with 2 balloons she had received the previous day. She was happy and contented. The balloons had lost much of their content but she was happy anyway because they were her balloons. Then she realized that she was missing a third balloon. She came to me and showed me the 2 balloons she had and asked me to help her find her lost balloon. I looked at her and smiled. Of coarse I would help her! Then I looked at her and said “but first, let me hug you”. I picked her up in my arms, held her tight and whispered in her ear “Remember that you are always hubbagle.” (We always said “huggable” that way. It was a family thing.)

Yes there are always storms outside. Inside I pray that you have built on a firm foundation of love and security that comes from knowing that you are a child of God. We play with our deflated balloons of previous joys and are sometimes content with the past experiences. Our heavenly father just wants to pick us up and remind us of the joy we bring to Him. Not because of any particulate good thing we have done to deserve it, but just because we are His.

Take a moment right now to thank Him for His love for you. Do your part to spread His love to others. Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you.

First Solo Flight

I had a really great Sunday today! Not just because my daughter is celebrating her 31st birthday (Maybe it was 29, I had better check…). I flew my first solo flight!

Here are the details, and I know that those who know me realize that there will be life lessons contained within.

Today, July 27, 2008 was forecasted to be yet another hot and stormy July day here in the Washington DC area. I had not been able to perform my first solo on Saturday because there was too much wind coming across the runway for a rookie like me to handle. So, we scheduled the first solo for a nice calm Sunday morning starting at 6AM. I know this sounds early for most of you, but I have firmly settled into a routine of walking every morning at that time anyways.

Early in the morning you get your best shot at having calm winds and no thunderstorms to rain on your parade. So I rose up before the light and drove to the airport where I prepared the plane for its first flight of the day.

The airport I have been using is called Bay Bridge Airport and although it is small, it’s a nice place to stay out of the big jets at BWI. There is also a lot of beauty being right on the Chesapeake Bay at the base of the Chesapeake Bay Bridge on Kent Island.

My flight instructor called and said he was running a bit late and asked me to taxi the plane from the hanger to the fuel pit where he would meet me. After doing a thorough pre-flight check on the plane I hopped in and started it up. The only detail I missed being a rookie is that is not good practice to start an airplane while still in the hangar. The only damage done was to the glass on a picture frame the tipped over from the wind created by the propeller.

While I was moving the plane down the taxiway, I glanced again at the plane that was flipped over at the end of the runway in the grass. The previous day, a student and his instructor took a wild ride when the plane bounced off the runway and the student overcorrected while trying to continue the landing. Luckily nobody was hurt at all, just shaken up quite a bit. This was a danger I wanted to avoid.

The lesson and the solo went without a hitch. My first landing was arguably my best. On my third try I came down a bit faster than I wanted to, and my plane bounced. I could see the crashed plane out of the corner of my eye, and I quickly made the decision to go around. I finished a few more landings without a hitch, and my instructor granted me my certificate along with a “well done”.

I looked at my watch and decided that I still had time to make it to the 9:15 service at church, so I hit the road. About halfway, I remember that I still had the key to the hanger in my pocket! I turned around and also remembered the glass I left on the floor of the hanger. I decided that the wise thing to do would be to return to the hanger and clean up the mess I made. This would be much more important in the long run to the Kingdom of God than sitting in church.

As it turned out, I still had time to make it to the 11:15 service at the church. Mark’s topic was Proverbs 22:3:

“A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.”

This made me think of my 3rd landing where I saw the danger and took refuge. I aborted the landing attempt. If I had kept going, I may have suffered for it. I believe the other wise decision was to take the key back promptly and clean up the broken glass in the hangar.

All of this made for a truly blessed worship experience this morning.

-Ron

To a very special mother

As I was preparing for our Friday Night Solutions meeting this week, I felt prompted to share something this week about Mothers.

I searched the scriptures for references about mothers. I found many pointing toward a strong and tenacious love that mothers have. This Sunday Mark Norman spoke from Romans 16:13 where in a middle of a list Paul says the following:

“Greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord, and his mother, who has been a mother to me, too.”(NIV)

Mark’s message was about the tenacity of a mother’s love which we certainly cannot deny. However in the sinful world in which we live, we realize that there is no such thing as the perfect mom. Many children are raised without a mom (truly a bad thing), or a mom who is not always there or not as loving as the children always need. Depression, drug abuse, anxiety, or just the “cares of this world” too often get in the way of raising children.

These children of human mothers may grow up and feel damaged by their lack of the loving security of a mom who is always there, but I would like to say that they are NOT damaged, simply that they have not yet developed all of their emotional tools. God sends in people to fill in the gaps, and we must do the work to see where we are emotionally deficient and ask God to help us to finish our development in those areas. This should become part of our 12 step process.

I had a wonderful mom as I was growing up. She always made sure that all of my physical needs were met. I do however remember many times when I just felt like I needed a hug, and so I would just cry and cry. My crying was usually met with a statement like “stop feeling sorry for yourself”, or my dad would say “stop crying or I will give you something to cry about.” I had an emotional need that went unmet for many years in my life.

More recently in my life I have discovered a psychological term called “object constancy”. This is where a child feels loved even though the parent may be temporarily absent. I feel like this object constancy was something I never developed until later in my life.

One person that God brought into my life as an adult was Sheri Meeker. Sheri is a wife to her husband Steve, and mother to her kids Randy and Holly. As a young married person my wife and I would go to their house to play cards and enjoy each other’s company. I was not a very assertive person, and many times my comments would simply go unsaid because somebody else would speak first and I would always back off and let them speak. While playing cards, Sheri noticed that I had things to say and so in those times that I would hesitate to speak out she started by asking me “Ron, what were you about to say?”. For the first time in my life, I felt like somebody cared to hear what I had to say. This did much to boost my self esteem.

Sheri is a trained and Spirit Filled counselor. To date she has touched countless lives by simply being there to listen and impart Godly wisdom to the people who came to her. She would often say that the wisdom she shared during her counseling sessions was not from her, but were words and concepts delivered to her heart from God. I believe this to be very true.

I want to celebrate Sheri’s life today because she is truly like Rufus’ mother mentioned in Romans 16. I have no doubt that if the Apostle Paul knew Sheri there would be a similar greeting to her.

We have been praying for the Meeker family for the past many years. When Carole was diagnosed with cancer Sheri was once again a source of strength and comfort to us. It was someplace she had been and her struggle filled us with hope. We did not feel so alone knowing that she had been in the same battle.

Steve and Sheri have been battling cancer for many years now, and it looks like that battle may be coming to an end. This end is far from the end that we have hoped and prayed for. We are not giving up, but simply letting God decide what is best. This world we live in is full of sin and evil. The life we are going to, where Sheri may be soon, is far beyond this sin and evil. Sheri’s battle will be over, and she will be able to say that she has won the battle because although the cancer may have taken her body, her soul and spirit belong to God. Steve and the rest of the family will need our prayers and support as they grieve the loss of a great wife and mother. For them, we pray the serenity prayer.

My prayer for you is that you will honor your mother today. Also since remembering that mom isn’t absolutely perfect, you may need to use step 4 to help identify those areas where you have room to grow. Once identified may God send a Sheri into your life to help you grow.

For more information, visit my website at http://www.recoverme.org You may read this post again in the blog (weblog) there.

God’s grace and peace to you all!

-Ron

Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change
The COURAGE to change the things I can
And the WISDOM to know the difference.

Excerpt from the 12 steps:

Step 4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Step 5. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Life with no regrets – Jack’s story…

I regret many things in my life. I am working on healing from my past, what was done to me and what I have done to myself and others. My most recent regret is my lack of Faith in God. Like Paul in Romans, I so don’t understand or like what I know I choose to do, or rather DON’T DO, and trusting in God for positive outcomes in my life has always been a very real sin problem for me.

This past week has been a whirlwind of much needed spiritual teaching from Him!! It started when a stray tabby-tomcat literally walked into my life all battered and bruised while on vacation. He took to my family immediately, and so totally unafraid he rested in our home away from home. We sheltered him, gave him a new name, mended and patched him, endlessly kissed and hugged him (of course, and only – cuz he let us, truly amazing!) and even provided for all the necessary unpleasant issues needed to be done such as vet checks, shots, bathing and (ugh) neutering. Through it all Jack has been such a tremendous trooper and continually amazes us with his great nature, docile and loving temperament, and acceptance of all the conditions thrust upon him. Jack belongs to us now, we belong to Jack it’s like he’s come home in a way and we’ve totally bonded in less than a week! He’ll be going home to Maryland with us in a few days.

Earlier this week Jack didn’t look so good and I was very worried and afraid for his health, even for his little and so vulnerable life, after all we demanded of him. I allowed my fears to take over and didn’t trust Jack to God’s divine hand and goodness. Then yesterday God spoke to my heart and warmly told me that Jack would be OK, that there were many reasons for His bringing Jack to us, and that He wasn’t giving Jack to us just to take him away through a sudden death. God reminded me to see beyond the circumstances to his deeper work at hand.

There is much more I could share about Jack’s story and his amazing kitty ways. He is doing well and truly resting. But, the deeper story is how God spoke to my heart through Jack’s amazing rescue from the streets. It dawned on me that I am a Jack myself! I was battered about by the world, lost, running scared, broken and bruised – and I happened to come across God. When I knew in my heart who had found me and that I was totally safe with Him, I let go and totally surrendered to God for salvation, much like Jack has done with us! God initially did a lot of binding of my heart, mending and healing – holding, hugging and caressing. God also provided for some very painful procedures that I wouldn’t have chosen for myself but were necessary for my very survival. And, like we will inevitably do with Jack, God will continually watch out for me, heal me, provide and take care of me.

Now, when I find myself lacking trust in God, if I can keep my wits about me, all I need to do is think of Jack and his amazing story of redemption. I think I may carry a picture of him and place one at my desk at work. I need all the reminders I can get!

Thank You Father God, for your loving and tender grace, for your spiritual love and teaching, for your son Jesus, and most of all (right now) – for Jack, and his story! Carole M

Life’s Storms……

My daughter recently moved with her family to Florida. I talked to her just hours before Hurricane Charley was due to hit her area. She was feeling panicky, but was confident that God would see them through this storm.

There is nothing we can do to prevent the winds and rain of life’s storms from hitting our lives. What can make the difference? Well panicking certainly does not accomplish anything positive. Yet there is a helpless feeling as the inevitable storm dashes our lives into the temporary darkness of uncertainty. Although panic does not accomplish much, it feels like the right thing to do in the moment.

My advice for my daughter was to follow the directions of the local officials, and trust God for the outcome.

When the storms of life enter our lives, the advise is the same. We need to follow the instructions of our higher power, and trust him for the outcome.

Another thing my daughter did was to invite her friend’s family over to her place since they felt that my daughter had a safer shelter from the storm.

We need to invite others into our lives to help us weather our storms as well. Life was intended to be lived in relationship with others, and sharing the stormy times can be a tremendous strength to make it through. I am sure that as they sat the storm out, there was a tremendous bond that was strengthened through the adversity.

When life feels stormy, seek out a friend!

What are you seeking?

We are all seeking something. Is it something that will make you feel better? Better for how long?

As we grow up and develop, there are needs that we have that are hopefully fulfilled by our parents, family and friends. These needs include feeling known, cared for, loved, and appreciated just for being. In a typical mother you find all of these things. Hopefully your mother had all of these qualities when she was raising you. Anything less than this in a family environment creates a dysfunctional family.

Many if not most of us have been raised in dysfunctional families. As adults from dysfunctional families, we seek comfort in what we perceive as “adult” ways. Drinking, partying, drugging, abusing ourselves and others becomes the norm. We feel guilt, shame, loneliness, or self loathing, and we want to feel better.

The real thing we feel in all of this is a loss of connectedness to God and others. Getting this connectedness back is what recovery is all about.

What are you seeking?

If you have looked for God in churches built by man, did you find Him? We need to look deeper for Him than just the trappings of religious traditions. Jesus said that those who worship Him, worship in spirit and truth. Throughout history man has built beautiful and awesome Churches, Mosques, Temples, and Synagogues as places to worship and connect with God. The truth is that these are just physical places. They can bring comfort, and hopefully will bring you closer to followers of God, but until you have invited God to live life in your heart and purpose to share every day of your life with him, this religious experience is in vain.

Many churches today have become purveyors of religious goods and services. They do what they can to out-do other churches. True religion is something that is lived everyday, and is shown by how we live our lives.

What are you seeking?

Comfort can only come to those who have mourned. Rest can only come to those who have worked. Good can only be recognized when you have seen evil. Recovery comes when you do the work to evaluate your life, and purpose to make changes.

Living Stones

Dear friends,

As Carole and I were reading scripture the other day, this passage jumped out at me. It was such a leap, that I just had to share it, and see if anybody out there agrees with me that this may make a good name for our ministry. The name I am suggesting is Living Stones. Here is the scripture:

1 Peter 2:4-12: (NIV)
4. As you come to him, the living Stone–rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him– 5. you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. 6. For in Scripture it says:
“See, I lay a stone in Zion,
a chosen and precious cornerstone,
and the one who trusts in him
will never be put to shame.”[1] 7. Now to you who believe, this stone is precious. But to those who do not believe,
“The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone,[2] “[3] 8. and,
“A stone that causes men to stumble
and a rock that makes them fall.”[4] They stumble because they disobey the message–which is also what they were destined for.
9. But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 10. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.
11. Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. 12Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.

We are all at different points in recovery in our lives. The one thing this group has in common is that we have come far enough in the process of our own recovery that our desire to help others. When we were at our worst, we felt rejected, broken, fallen. But Christ saw in our brokenness a powerful brick that he could use to build His Kingdom.

We are now living stones building the Kingdom of God for others to enjoy. The strength that we have brings protection, grace, healing and strength to others, and so the Kingdom is being built just as it has for the past 2000 years.

We are so blessed to have each other. I hope to see some of you at our home July 4th. Don’t forget about our next meeting on July 11th. If you want to read this mail again, or make comments, You may do so at www.recoverme.org. Just enter the WebLog.

May God richly bless you and your family!

-Ron

Father’s Day

Hi all,

This Sunday as I was reading the Sunday funny papers, and in particular Peanuts, I was reminded of Dad.

I have been working on updating my new website www.recoverme.org as well as working on material for our Friday night study. This Sunday’s Peanuts was about how Charlie Brown’s dad received grace from an acquaintance of his. You can read the strip at: GO Comics .

I remember how Dad always read the funny papers on Sunday morning, and this many times gave him something to talk about either from the pulpit (perhaps taking some of the attention from us kids).

One of the newest ways of communication is called a blog. Blog is short for “Web Log” and was originally used by people who found interesting things on the Internet, and wanted a place to share them with friends and family.

My new blog can be found at www.recoverme.org. This EMAIL will be posted there, and you are all welcome to visit, and post your comments. I am hoping to use this new forum to communicate the healing gospel to people using the internet.

Happy Father’s day Dad!
(sorry you won’t see the blog)