Beautifully Broken – Forever

This morning as I was worshipping God, I had a heavenly vision of people dancing before the throne of God. Interesting observation that while there were many that were lost in their joyful dance celebrating their connection to God and His forgiveness, there were many others who were standing around just watching and I could hear their thoughts. They were thinking things like “Who are they to dance before God, I know what kind of life they had”, or “I’ve lived a righteous life, why don’t I feel like dancing?”.

The truth is, you will never come even close to knowing Gods love until you fully realize your own brokenness.

We may try to hold our broken lives together on our own strength by our own means in order to “Save Face”, but only the blood of Christ can truly hold all those broken pieces together to make something whole and beautiful again. There is no pleasure on this earth that can compare to the pleasure of knowing God and His love for us.

I have been broken all my life. Only recently have I found the courage to embrace and own my own brokenness. In my weakness Christ is glorified. I don’t care about worldly things.

Read the bible and pray. If you don’t know where to start, the Gospel According to John is a great place for beginners. If you don’t know what to pray, you can start with “God I hurt, I feel broken. Show yourself to me that I may feel whole again.” If you feel like you don’t love God enough, just pray “God help me to love You more”

When I prayed to God to help me love Him more, His answer was to show me just how broken and needy I was. The person who is forgiven a great debt loves more deeply that the person who is forgiven little.

Beautifully Broken the Early Years

I was quite a lonely child growing up. In fact I feel that loneliness has produced the greatest ongoing pain in my whole life. I was the youngest and my next older sibling was my brother who was 6 years older than I. I was definitely not in his circle of friends to hang out with. My parents were older than most kids parents my age. They didn’t do much with me either. Most of my school classmates lived far away and none really close enough hang out with. I believe that I pretty much left alone to navigate the complexities of life on my own.

I can remember at times really hurting for some or any connection from anybody. Walking around the house just sobbing. My dad’s quick answer was “Stop your crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.” You see he espoused the firm belief that “Children should be seen and NOT heard”. The only comfort I received from my mother was “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.” Yes that’s right. Not very comforting at all.

What they seemed to be teaching me was that its was never OK to let people know that I was hurting and even if I did, they don’t really care anyway. Years of going to church didn’t help me much either. Mostly when I would meet somebody on Sunday morning and they greet me with “How’s it going?” Instead of answering the question deeply and honestly like I would want to, I would just say “Fine” and move on. To say more is not only socially unacceptable, but has the potential to create even more damage when their reaction shows how much they just don’t really care. It’s the same way in most of our modern culture. Suppress your true feelings. Don’t admit to feeling any pain. Just smile and be nice. Meanwhile that inner pain just becomes like background noise in your life. Perhaps like a toothache that is never treated, always there and never acknowledged or dealt with and maybe growing more severe over time.

I believe that over the 60 plus years of my life, the people that I have shared this pain with have for the most part wanted to be ‘fixers’. What I mean is that their answer mostly external “Try Harder” exercises. They say things like “You are thinking wrong”, “I had worse parents than yours, and I got ‘over’ my hurts”. In the past several weeks. I believe that I just hear Jesus saying “I know you are broken, I love you anyway. I came an shed my blood out of my ultimate love for you.”  I see myself now still broken and I believe I have to accept that. My broken pieces are being knitted back to wholeness by the blood of Jesus which is the only thing that can keep my broken pieces together.

Remember what is important.

I wanted to reflect on the dream I had last night. I was at home with my 2 young daughters. It was stormy outside but nice and warm inside. My younger daughter was playing with 2 balloons she had received the previous day. She was happy and contented. The balloons had lost much of their content but she was happy anyway because they were her  balloons. Then she realized that she was missing a third balloon. She came to me and showed me the 2 balloons she had and asked me to help her find her lost balloon. I looked at her and smiled. Of coarse I would help her! Then I looked at her and said “but first, let me hug you”. I picked her up in my arms, held her tight and whispered in her ear “Remember that you are always hubbagle.” (We always said “huggable” that way. It was a family thing.)

Yes there are always storms outside. Inside I pray that you have built on a firm foundation of love and security that comes from knowing that you are a child of God. We play with our deflated balloons of previous joys and are sometimes content with the past experiences. Our heavenly father just wants to pick us up and remind us of the joy we bring to Him. Not because of any particulate good thing we have done to deserve it, but just because we are His.

Take a moment right now to thank Him for His love for you. Do your part to spread His love to others. Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you.

Where we go ONE we go ALL

This phrase reminds me of the “Band of Brothers” who are united in love of their cause and their love for each other. Similar phrases are like “One for all and all for one”.

We have a choice. Follow the ONE who sinned, or follow the ONE who paid the price of sin in this world. How? Show love in your own circle of influence. Don’t let hate depression and despair become your companion. Perform acts of kindness. Don’t do kindness out of a feeling of obligation, but from a true heart of Love knowing that God has loved you even when you were not so lovely yourself. Don’t act religious, pious, uppity or better in any way to others. Serve them!

Consider this passage from Romans 5

Death in Adam, Life in Christ
12 Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned— 13 for sin indeed was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not counted where there is no law. 14 Yet death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those whose sinning was not like the transgression of Adam, who was a type of the one who was to come.

15 But the free gift is not like the trespass. For if many died through one man’s trespass, much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man Jesus Christ abounded for many. 16 And the free gift is not like the result of that one man’s sin. For the judgment following one trespass brought condemnation, but the free gift following many trespasses brought justification. 17 For if, because of one man’s trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ.

18 Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men. 19 For as by the one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous. 20 Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, 21 so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

First Solo Flight

I had a really great Sunday today! Not just because my daughter is celebrating her 31st birthday (Maybe it was 29, I had better check…). I flew my first solo flight!

Here are the details, and I know that those who know me realize that there will be life lessons contained within.

Today, July 27, 2008 was forecasted to be yet another hot and stormy July day here in the Washington DC area. I had not been able to perform my first solo on Saturday because there was too much wind coming across the runway for a rookie like me to handle. So, we scheduled the first solo for a nice calm Sunday morning starting at 6AM. I know this sounds early for most of you, but I have firmly settled into a routine of walking every morning at that time anyways.

Early in the morning you get your best shot at having calm winds and no thunderstorms to rain on your parade. So I rose up before the light and drove to the airport where I prepared the plane for its first flight of the day.

The airport I have been using is called Bay Bridge Airport and although it is small, it’s a nice place to stay out of the big jets at BWI. There is also a lot of beauty being right on the Chesapeake Bay at the base of the Chesapeake Bay Bridge on Kent Island.

My flight instructor called and said he was running a bit late and asked me to taxi the plane from the hanger to the fuel pit where he would meet me. After doing a thorough pre-flight check on the plane I hopped in and started it up. The only detail I missed being a rookie is that is not good practice to start an airplane while still in the hangar. The only damage done was to the glass on a picture frame the tipped over from the wind created by the propeller.

While I was moving the plane down the taxiway, I glanced again at the plane that was flipped over at the end of the runway in the grass. The previous day, a student and his instructor took a wild ride when the plane bounced off the runway and the student overcorrected while trying to continue the landing. Luckily nobody was hurt at all, just shaken up quite a bit. This was a danger I wanted to avoid.

The lesson and the solo went without a hitch. My first landing was arguably my best. On my third try I came down a bit faster than I wanted to, and my plane bounced. I could see the crashed plane out of the corner of my eye, and I quickly made the decision to go around. I finished a few more landings without a hitch, and my instructor granted me my certificate along with a “well done”.

I looked at my watch and decided that I still had time to make it to the 9:15 service at church, so I hit the road. About halfway, I remember that I still had the key to the hanger in my pocket! I turned around and also remembered the glass I left on the floor of the hanger. I decided that the wise thing to do would be to return to the hanger and clean up the mess I made. This would be much more important in the long run to the Kingdom of God than sitting in church.

As it turned out, I still had time to make it to the 11:15 service at the church. Mark’s topic was Proverbs 22:3:

“A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.”

This made me think of my 3rd landing where I saw the danger and took refuge. I aborted the landing attempt. If I had kept going, I may have suffered for it. I believe the other wise decision was to take the key back promptly and clean up the broken glass in the hangar.

All of this made for a truly blessed worship experience this morning.

-Ron

To a very special mother

As I was preparing for our Friday Night Solutions meeting this week, I felt prompted to share something this week about Mothers.

I searched the scriptures for references about mothers. I found many pointing toward a strong and tenacious love that mothers have. This Sunday Mark Norman spoke from Romans 16:13 where in a middle of a list Paul says the following:

“Greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord, and his mother, who has been a mother to me, too.”(NIV)

Mark’s message was about the tenacity of a mother’s love which we certainly cannot deny. However in the sinful world in which we live, we realize that there is no such thing as the perfect mom. Many children are raised without a mom (truly a bad thing), or a mom who is not always there or not as loving as the children always need. Depression, drug abuse, anxiety, or just the “cares of this world” too often get in the way of raising children.

These children of human mothers may grow up and feel damaged by their lack of the loving security of a mom who is always there, but I would like to say that they are NOT damaged, simply that they have not yet developed all of their emotional tools. God sends in people to fill in the gaps, and we must do the work to see where we are emotionally deficient and ask God to help us to finish our development in those areas. This should become part of our 12 step process.

I had a wonderful mom as I was growing up. She always made sure that all of my physical needs were met. I do however remember many times when I just felt like I needed a hug, and so I would just cry and cry. My crying was usually met with a statement like “stop feeling sorry for yourself”, or my dad would say “stop crying or I will give you something to cry about.” I had an emotional need that went unmet for many years in my life.

More recently in my life I have discovered a psychological term called “object constancy”. This is where a child feels loved even though the parent may be temporarily absent. I feel like this object constancy was something I never developed until later in my life.

One person that God brought into my life as an adult was Sheri Meeker. Sheri is a wife to her husband Steve, and mother to her kids Randy and Holly. As a young married person my wife and I would go to their house to play cards and enjoy each other’s company. I was not a very assertive person, and many times my comments would simply go unsaid because somebody else would speak first and I would always back off and let them speak. While playing cards, Sheri noticed that I had things to say and so in those times that I would hesitate to speak out she started by asking me “Ron, what were you about to say?”. For the first time in my life, I felt like somebody cared to hear what I had to say. This did much to boost my self esteem.

Sheri is a trained and Spirit Filled counselor. To date she has touched countless lives by simply being there to listen and impart Godly wisdom to the people who came to her. She would often say that the wisdom she shared during her counseling sessions was not from her, but were words and concepts delivered to her heart from God. I believe this to be very true.

I want to celebrate Sheri’s life today because she is truly like Rufus’ mother mentioned in Romans 16. I have no doubt that if the Apostle Paul knew Sheri there would be a similar greeting to her.

We have been praying for the Meeker family for the past many years. When Carole was diagnosed with cancer Sheri was once again a source of strength and comfort to us. It was someplace she had been and her struggle filled us with hope. We did not feel so alone knowing that she had been in the same battle.

Steve and Sheri have been battling cancer for many years now, and it looks like that battle may be coming to an end. This end is far from the end that we have hoped and prayed for. We are not giving up, but simply letting God decide what is best. This world we live in is full of sin and evil. The life we are going to, where Sheri may be soon, is far beyond this sin and evil. Sheri’s battle will be over, and she will be able to say that she has won the battle because although the cancer may have taken her body, her soul and spirit belong to God. Steve and the rest of the family will need our prayers and support as they grieve the loss of a great wife and mother. For them, we pray the serenity prayer.

My prayer for you is that you will honor your mother today. Also since remembering that mom isn’t absolutely perfect, you may need to use step 4 to help identify those areas where you have room to grow. Once identified may God send a Sheri into your life to help you grow.

For more information, visit my website at http://www.recoverme.org You may read this post again in the blog (weblog) there.

God’s grace and peace to you all!

-Ron

Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change
The COURAGE to change the things I can
And the WISDOM to know the difference.

Excerpt from the 12 steps:

Step 4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Step 5. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Our Healing Through Christ

Being raised by a Christian Minister, and attending church my whole life, I have heard the Christian message of Salvation many times. Many people have heard that “Jesus Saves”, but just what does that really mean?
The basic problem is that we live in a sinful world. But just what is sin? Is it stealing, killing, coveting, and adultery? Yes, and more. We live in a world that is racked by sin. Sin is more than just the things we do, but it is the state of things in the world we live.
You can live a “good” life, but sin does not stop at the door just because you are following all of the rules. The Bible says that “The rain falls on the just and the unjust”. Really bad things do happen to good people.
The law of Moses does not much more than show us the situation we live in. There has been no person except Jesus who could live their life and keep the law. We still commit sin, and we are still the victims of sin.
So what is the solution? Is there any way we can undo our situation by doing good? Can we somehow stem the tide of badness that exists in our world? Many have been called to help where they can. Mother Theresa has done much good to help some of the most unfortunate people in the world. Does this give her a special place with God? God loves us all the same, and there is nothing we can do to negotiate any special treatment from God. God’s salvation through Christ is a free gift for all.
The fact is all we can do is accept God’s gift. Stop thinking that somehow we have some kind of power of our own and admit that we are powerless over the effects of sin in our lives. This means that we are powerless over the addictions and habits that drive us to bad behavior, and we are also powerless over the results of living in a sinful world. There will always be fatal accidents, cancers, and other bad experiences along the way.
Once we have received God’s grace by accepting the free gift of Christ’s redemption, we are compelled by love and gratitude to change our lives. We can finally break free from the chains of addictions and habits that seem to rule our lives. We give back to the world not to gain anything more for ourselves, but to share the gift of new life given to us by God.

I hurt! Who do I blame?

We all like to play the blame game. We routinely like to find something or somebody to blame for our troubles. I suppose that we may find some comfort in this, and it may shift the focus of others away from whatever responsibility we take upon ourselves.

Recently New Orleans has been hit by a category 5 tragedy. A storm has caused enough destruction there to literally remove the city from the map. There are great life lessons to be learned there that we can apply to our own lives.

Storms happen. Our lives are routinely impacted by storms of every size. Children are impacted by gross abuse from caretakers and others that are no less devastating to them than Hurricane Katrina was to New Orleans. What is left of these children as they grow into broken adults is very tragic. As children they know no coping stragedy other than to hide this ugly shame and indignity under layers of self-denial and perhaps abuse of others.

We run across many such people in our ministry. People who as adults are discovering the reason for their inability to deal with life’s issues goes back to how in their childhood they had to deal with what were Category 5 storms to them. There are parts of these people that are afraid to come out of the shelter they have built to protect them from further abuse. The most tragic of these cases are where the abusers were those in whom they relied upon the most.

The solution is safe relationships. The healing process can be long and hard. God has designed us to love and feel loved by others. When this love is betrayed by abuse, is when the hiding begins. The hiding can only end when we find unconditional acceptance where we can bring our hurts and hang-ups into the light of relationship.

HELP BEAR UP THE WEAK

Romans 15
We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. 2. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. 3. For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.” 4. For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.
5. May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, 6. so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
7. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. 8. For I tell you that Christ has become a servant of the Jews on behalf of God’s truth, to confirm the promises made to the patriarchs 9. so that the Gentiles may glorify God for his mercy, as it is written: “Therefore I will praise you among the Gentiles; I will sing hymns to your name.” 10. Again, it says, “Rejoice, O Gentiles, with his people.” 11. And again, “Praise the Lord, all you Gentiles, and sing praises to him, all you peoples.” 12. And again, Isaiah says, “The Root of Jesse will spring up, one who will arise to rule over the nations; the Gentiles will hope in him.”
13. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

God’s plan is to treat others as God has treated us. God in his infinite power, does not bully us into doing his bidding, but instead acts more like a gentle coach speaking to our hearts each day as we go about our business. It becomes our choice to either listen or not.

God accepts us in our weakness just as we are. There is nothing we can do to make ourselves “good enough” for his acceptance. This is how we should accept others.

God loves us even when we hurt him. His gift of grace through Christ is never taken away from us. It is always there, and free just for the taking.

The best praise we can give to God is to treat others just as we wish God to treat us. In this, we bring honor to His name.

How have you treated another person this week in a way that reflected God’s grace?

Do you feel fully accepted by God?

Is there another person that makes you feel accepted always?

What can you do this week to show acceptance to another person?