REJOICE IN SUFFERING – POWER IN POWERLESSNESS

REJOICE IN SUFFERING – POWER IN POWERLESSNESS

Romans 5
Peace and Joy
1. Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2. through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4. perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
6. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
9. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! 10. For if, when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11. Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
Death Through Adam, Life Through Christ
12. Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned 13. for before the law was given, sin was in the world. But sin is not taken into account when there is no law. 14. Nevertheless, death reigned from the time of Adam to the time of Moses, even over those who did not sin by breaking a command, as did Adam, who was a pattern of the one to come.
15. But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many! 16. Again, the gift of God is not like the result of the one man’s sin: The judgment followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification. 17. For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ.
18. Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men. 19. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.
20. The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, 21so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Being at peace with God is the best place to be in this life. Many seek it in many ways, but few truly achieve it. This is because peace with God can only be obtained through suffering. Most of the major religions of the world teach this. Only Christianity takes this concept one more step and teaches that we can have peace with God through Christ’s suffering. Imagine that! We no longer have to suffer, because Christ has done enough suffering for us.
But the fact remains that in life there is much suffering. If this were not the case, there would be no need for recovery. Paul asks that we take a step back from our suffering and realize the true value that is built into the suffering. Suffering builds patience, character, and ultimately hope. Hope is that light at the end of the tunnel that lets us know that the trip through the dark tunnel will be worth it. I can relate to this. Not too long ago, I hiked through a tunnel at the Snoqualmie Summit in Washington State. We tried to hike with our flashlights off, and just concentrated on the light at the end of the tunnel to get us through. It was quite an experience.
God’s grace is free to all who will admit they are powerless, and that they need the gift of Christ’s Passion to obtain peace with God.

What is the cause of most of your suffering this past week?

Do you see that you have learned more patience through your past suffering?

When you look up, can you see the light at the end of the tunnel?

Have you accepted Christ’s suffering in order to obtain peace with God?

RECOVERY BEGINS BY FAITH

RECOVERY BEGINS BY FAITH

Romans 4
Abraham Justified by Faith
What then shall we say that Abraham, our forefather, discovered in this matter? If, in fact, Abraham was justified by works, he had something to boast about but not before God. 3What does the Scripture say? “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.”
Now when a man works, his wages are not credited to him as a gift, but as an obligation. However, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness. David says the same thing when he speaks of the blessedness of the man to whom God credits righteousness apart from works: “Blessed are they
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man
whose sin the Lord will never count against him.”
Is this blessedness only for the circumcised, or also for the uncircumcised? We have been saying that Abraham’s faith was credited to him as righteousness. Under what circumstances was it credited? Was it after he was circumcised, or before? It was not after, but before! And he received the sign of circumcision, a seal of the righteousness that he had by faith while he was still uncircumcised. So then, he is the father of all who believe but have not been circumcised, in order that righteousness might be credited to them. 12And he is also the father of the circumcised who not only are circumcised but who also walk in the footsteps of the faith that our father Abraham had before he was circumcised.
It was not through law that Abraham and his offspring received the promise that he would be heir of the world, but through the righteousness that comes by faith. For if those who live by law are heirs, faith has no value and the promise is worthless, because law brings wrath. And where there is no law there is no transgression.
Therefore, the promise comes by faith, so that it may be by grace and may be guaranteed to all Abraham’s offspring not only to those who are of the law but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham. He is the father of us all. As it is written: “I have made you a father of many nations.” He is our father in the sight of God, in whom he believed the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were.
Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead since he was about a hundred years old and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.” The words “it was credited to him” were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.

When we realize that there is something in our lives that we want to change, we will try and try again using whatever power we have. Most of the time, our efforts become futile. This happens not because we really don’t want to change, but that we have not yet reached the point in our lives where we are fully ready to give up that behavior that has such a hold on us.
True faith works best when we have hit bottom and have run out of hand-holds. We then realize that the only way up is to give up and depend on our “higher power” to rescue us. Faith grows as we hear the stories of others who have traveled the recovery road for some time, and we can find encouragement and help from others. As they share their experience, strength and hope, our faith is built, and we move further along the road to recovery.
It is God who rescues us, and he chooses to use people in community for His purpose. Through a community of people of faith, help is realized, and lives are changed. When we isolate ourselves, help is fleeting.

Abraham did not really do anything except believe God. What has to happen in our lives to make us start believing God?

Have you ever experienced “The more hurriedly I go, the behinder I get”?

How do you feel when you hear about the experience, strength and hope in others?

WHO IS MY BROTHER?

RECOVERY FOR ROMANS
1-21-2005
WHO IS MY BROTHER?

Romans 3
God’s Faithfulness
1. What advantage, then, is there in being a Jew, or what value is there in circumcision? 2. Much in every way! First of all, they have been entrusted with the very words of God.
3. What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God’s faithfulness? 4. Not at all! Let God be true, and every man a liar. As it is written: “So that you may be proved right when you speak and prevail when you judge.”[a]
5. But if our unrighteousness brings out God’s righteousness more clearly, what shall we say? That God is unjust in bringing his wrath on us? (I am using a human argument.) 6. Certainly not! If that were so, how could God judge the world? 7. Someone might argue, “If my falsehood enhances God’s truthfulness and so increases his glory, why am I still condemned as a sinner?” 8. Why not say as we are being slanderously reported as saying and as some claim that we say “Let us do evil that good may result”? Their condemnation is deserved.
No One is Righteous
9. What shall we conclude then? Are we any better[b]? Not at all! We have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under sin. 10. As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one; 11. there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. 12. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.”[c] 13. “Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit.”[d] “The poison of vipers is on their lips.”[e] 14. “Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.”[f] 15. “Their feet are swift to shed blood; 16. ruin and misery mark their ways, 17. and the way of peace they do not know.”[g] 18. “There is no fear of God before their eyes.”[h]
19. Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. 20. Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.
Righteousness Through Faith
21. But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23. for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24. and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement,[i] through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished– 26. he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.
27. Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded. On what principle? On that of observing the law? No, but on that of faith. 28. For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from observing the law. 29. Is God the God of Jews only? Is he not the God of Gentiles too? Yes, of Gentiles too, 30. since there is only one God, who will justify the circumcised by faith and the uncircumcised through that same faith. 31. Do we, then, nullify the law by this faith? Not at all! Rather, we uphold the law.

We humans have a propensity for wanting to have a good reputation, but we still want to get away with doing selfish acts. God’s law is written on our hearts, but when that writing gets in the way of our own desires, sin is conceived. If we act on our desires and ignore God’s law, sin is born. We have become so good at doing this that no longer recognize that law that God has written, and we have to be reminded by laws that man has recorded. In Luke 10:25 an expert of the law asks Jesus “What must I do to be saved?”, the answer comes back as “Love the Lord your God with all your soul, strength and mind, and love you neighbor as yourself”. This answer wasn’t good enough though. The lawyer wanted to know exactly “Who is my neighbor?”. Jesus replied with the familiar story of the Good Samaritan. I challenge you to change the word Samaritan to whatever people group you perceive as least deserving of God’s favor. This could be Muslim, Lawyer, Car salesman, Telemarketer, Street Person, Politician, whatever.
The point is, we frequently ask God to spell out what we should do to be good enough, and His reply is there is nothing you can do to be good enough, quit trying, and just live your life as best as you can to love God and others.

Do you feel you must earn your way to heaven?

How can your life here be better by following the law?

No Excuses

RECOVERY FOR ROMANS
1-14-2005
NO EXCUSES

Romans 2
God’s Righteous Judgment
1. You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. 2. Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. 3. So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? 4. Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?
5. But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. 6. God “will give to each person according to what he has done.”[a] 7. To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. 8. But for those who are selfseeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger. 9. There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile; 10. but glory, honor and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. 11. For God does not show favoritism.
12. All who sin apart from the law will also perish apart from the law, and all who sin under the law will be judged by the law. 13. For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God’s sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous. 14. (Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law, 15. since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts now accusing, now even defending them.) 16. This will take place on the day when God will judge men’s secrets through Jesus Christ, as my gospel declares.
The Jews and the Law
17. Now you, if you call yourself a Jew; if you rely on the law and brag about your relationship to God; 18. if you know his will and approve of what is superior because you are instructed by the law; 19. if you are convinced that you are a guide for the blind, a light for those who are in the dark, 20. an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of infants, because you have in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth 21. you, then, who teach others, do you not teach yourself? You who preach against stealing, do you steal? 22. You who say that people should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? 23. You who brag about the law, do you dishonor God by breaking the law? 24. As it is written: “God’s name is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.”[b]
25. Circumcision has value if you observe the law, but if you break the law, you have become as though you had not been circumcised. 26. If those who are not circumcised keep the law’s requirements, will they not be regarded as though they were circumcised? 27. The one who is not circumcised physically and yet obeys the law will condemn you who, even though you have the[c] written code and circumcision, are a lawbreaker.
28. A man is not a Jew if he is only one outwardly, nor is circumcision merely outward and physical. 29. No, a man is a Jew if he is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code. Such a man’s praise is not from men, but from God.
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What is good? What is bad? God has written on our hearts his code of ethics for getting along in this world. People aren’t good just because they espouse a certain set of moral or religious beliefs. You can have all the beliefs you want, but if you don’t practice kind and respectful acts toward others those beliefs aren’t worth a hoot. The problem isn’t that we don’t know how to be good (unless we suffer from some sociopathic disorder) the problem is the self-centered choices that we make. Just because we say we know God or follow Jesus doesn’t make us automatically good or righteous. It is truly an act of the heart. I know many atheists and agnostics who life much better lives than many Christians. We are all basically self centered people. To deny this is to deny the truth. We all practice sin when we know better.

When you chose to disobey as a child, how did you feel at the time? Did you know better?

Do the first words that a child learn to say reflect anything about mankind’s selfish nature?

Who is your higher power?

RECOVERY FOR ROMANS
1-7-2005
WHO IS YOUR HIGHER POWER?

Romans 1:16-32 16. I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. 17. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.”
God’s Wrath Against Mankind
18. The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19. since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities his eternal power and divine nature have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.
21. For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23. and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.
24. Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator who is forever praised. Amen.
26. Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.
28. Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. 29. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30. slanderers, Godhaters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31. they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.
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The first two steps on the road to recovery are to acknowledge that we are powerless and that we need a higher power to bring sanity to our lives. Here in this passage Paul hammers that point home by showing just how people become when they refuse to allow God in their lives. Without a place for God in our lives, our impulses and addictions take over and our lives become an unmanageable quest for comfort and pleasure.
It’s an easy thing to point our fingers at others and say that they are the ones that Paul talks about in the last paragraph, but we have to be honest and see that those qualities are found in our own hearts as we seek to serve ourselves rather than God and others. The sad fact is that instead of serving ourselves, we end up becoming a slave to our very own lustful desires, and in becoming a slave, our lives become more and more unmanageable. Ultimately the solution is to invite the higher power Jesus Christ to become part of our daily living, and help us to overcome our hurts, habits and hang-ups.

Can you see God’s eternal power and divine nature in your day to day life?

Would your life seem easier if you were aware of God’s presence in your life each day?

How does the complexities of creation show the awe and wonder of God?

How things can we do each day to help us become more aware of God’s presence in our lives?

Putting our Lives Together Again

We recently attended a Christmas party with a “white elephant” gift exchange. The purpose is not to give or receive a gift of any particular value, but just to have a fun exchange. We ended up with quite a potpourri of trinkets none of which seemed to be of much value.
Earlier today my wife was going through these gifts and came across a picture of sailboats sailing a tropical sea at sunset. At first glance it didn’t seem like much, and she asked me if I was particularly attached to it. I surprised her when I sail that I really liked the painting. I admired its composition and even the brush strokes. She commented back that it was just a cheap print. I replied that although this is true, I still saw value in the painting, and wanted to keep it.
Our lives are much like a painting. Each hour of our lives adds a few more brushstrokes. As the strokes of the brush are added by the Creator, the patterns and texture may not seem to make much sense at first. But to the Creator the beauty added by each stroke is considered as he crafts the painting as a whole. The beauties of some paintings are found in their simplicity.
What are you living for? The life that lives in us is much more complex than a two dimensional painting. Much more complex! We were made in God’s image. We were created to be creative. We were created to have dominion over our world and live as an adult in a world with other adults. When we look at life like this, it takes on a whole new dimension and meaning. We can let go of those things we are clinging to that give us a comfort based on past experiences. Reach out for what is ahead of us. Strive to change what is in your power to change. Challenge yourself to be creative just as God is creative.
Changes That Heal is a book designed to lead you into meaningful relationships with yourself, others and God. You may think that this is backwards based on what you have learned in the past. Aren’t we supposed to put God first and self last? I challenge you that we must learn to love ourselves first, and thus allow us the healing in our lives that we can reach out to others, and through all this God will naturally be honored and receive worship. How can we “love our neighbors as ourselves” if we don’t love ourselves?

Has this book challenged you to see your life differently?

Can you see where you need to make changes?

How has this book changed how you relate to other people?

Do you see the need for more defined boundaries in your life?

Can you accept the goodness and badness that exists in yourself and others?

Are you ready to assert dominion over your own domain?

Barriers to thinking like an adult

The way we perceive ourselves and others can often get us “stuck” at a particular stage of our development. These perceptions need to be explored and challenged so that we can see the error in continuing to think of ourselves and others in this manner. Here are several examples of distorted thinking. We may not be able to rid our lives of them all, but we can certainly gain from recognizing their power in our lives.

Our View of Ourselves:
I am bad if they don’t approve of me. That proves it.
I am less than others.
I must please others to be liked.
I am bad if I disagree.
My opinions are not as good.
I have no right to my opinions.
I must get permission from others to
I am bad if I fail.
I shouldn’t feel so sexual.
Sexual feelings are bad.
My plans will never succeed.
I should defer to their beliefs, even though I disagree.
I need someone else to manage my life. I am not capable enough.
If I differ, I am wrong.
I think they should
I shouldn’t let myself feel
I am better than they are.
My group is the right group.
We really have the best theology.
Our ministry is the only real one.
I know what’s best for them.
I know better than them.
I could never teach him or her anything.
Adulthood is out of my grasp.

Our View of Others:
They are all disapproving and critical.
They are better than me.
They will like me better if I am compliant.
They think that I am wrong or bad for disagreeing.
Their opinions are always right.
They will think I am bad for failing.
They have no weaknesses.
They never fail like I do.
____ is easy for them.
Their beliefs are better than mine.
They know what’s best for me.
They never feel ____ .
They know everything.
They are never this afraid, or mad, or sad, or _____ .
They will hate me for standing up to them.

Our View of God:
God likes for me to be nice to everyone.
God wants me to always defer to my authorities, never question-
God does not want me to run my own life. He wants my “leaders” to do that.
God disapproves of me when I fail, just as my parents disapproved.
God does not like me to be aggressive.
God does not like me to disagree with the pastor.
God does not allow me freedom to choose some of my own values. They are all prescribed in the Bible. There are no gray areas.
God thinks others are more (or less) important than me.
God wants me to adhere to a bunch of rules.
God likes discipline and sacrifice more than compassion, love, and relationship.

Our View of the World:
Competition is bad; someone always gets hurt.
Disagreement is bad; someone always gets hurt.
Conflict is bad; someone always loses.
There is no such thing as a “win-win” relationship.
People who are people-pleasers are liked better than people who say what they think.
Everything has a “right answer.” Especially since we have the Bible.
There is a right and wrong way of seeing everything. Perspective makes no difference.
Flexibility is license and lawlessness.
Sexuality is evil.
There is a right and a wrong way to do everything.
It will never work.

These heartfelt convictions about God, self, and others that many of us have learned through experience are barriers to becoming an adult. Some of them we probably learned in the family we grew up in; others are just a part of the pre-adult mind. In any event, they can only be overcome with work, risk, prayer, relationship, and practice. The next chapter will explore the skills needed to become an adult.

Is life Upside Down?

Remember the Robin Williams character Mork? He had an advantage over us in that he was born an adult, and as he got older, became more childish. Perhaps life would be easier if we could do that.

I can remember all my childhood thinking about how things would be when I finally grew up. For the most part, my parents left me alone, and I had to determine out how to do life mostly on my own. Many people hear things from their parents so much as a kid, that when they leave home, they can still hear their parent’s voices telling them what to do and how to do it. It is these voices that we need to recognize, and learn to start doing things our own way and not feel like we are usurping our parent’s authority while we are doing it.

Chapter 15 includes a description of many of these voices and how they are affecting our lives as adults. People who have any experience with ACA (Adult Children Anonymous) may recognize several of these things, but they are certainly not limited to adult children of alcoholics.

Inordinate need for approval Fear of disapproval

Guilt Sexual struggles

Fear of failure Need for permission

Feelings of inferiority Competitiveness

Loss of power No equal differences

Black-and-White thinking Judgementalism

Anxiety attacks Impulsiveness and inhibition

Superiority Parenting others

Hate for authority figures Depression

Dependency Idealization of authority

Idealization of childhood

Take a look at the list of distorted thinking on page 241. I see many similarities to the list of Adult Child Characteristics.

Growing into Adulthood

What does it mean to be an adult? Now we can stay up late, we don’t have to ask momma’s permission to go to a friend’s house, we can choose not to eat our vegetables etc.

While these are all valid choices that we can make, they are not all necessarily good choices. I have spent many years not eating my vegetables, and turned out overweight and old before my time. Luckily for me, God extended His grace to me and has helped me to re-make my body. For those of you who don’t see me regularly, so far I have lost over 25 lbs, and am still working slowly and steadily to a more health body and lifestyle.

As adults we take responsibility for our own domain. God has given us our own unique position and space in life and society that is ours to do with as we please – or not. The problem is that we still may advocate responsibility to others. Perhaps it’s the voice of mom you still hear in your head, and that keeps you from doing things your own unique way in your domain.

When we are born, we are a little person in a big person’s world. It can take a long time for us to overcome this feeling and grow into to the position God has ordained for us in His kingdom. It used to be said in the Evangelistic community that “God loves you, and has a wonderful plan for your life”. This is so true. Where we struggle is in the acceptance of God’s plan, and living our lives in a manner which is mindful of it.

As we deal with other people, much of our attitude is based on our early training. We need to learn to treat others with respect. The imbalance here is that we act like we have one up on the other person, or we feel that we are constantly one down from them. The fact is that in God’s eyes we are equal no matter what stations life has brought us through, and if we can learn to see each other through God’s eyes of Grace and Truth we can have the inner peace that come from bring right with God.

What areas of your life do you need to take charge of?

What issues in your life have been caused by other people? Is there anything they can do to fix that issue now?

In what situations do you feel “one down”?

In what situations do you feel “one up”?

More Skills to integrate Good and Bad

Typically our lives are not improved without an effort. The good ol’ four letter word W_O_R_K. Bringing sanity and completeness to our lives by proper integrating the good and bad is no different. Here are some things we can do to help the process:

PRAY. David’s prayer in Psalms 139 says it best. “Search me, O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts see if there is any offensive way in me , and lead me in the way everlasting” Ask God to shine his light into your soul and reveal anything that you are unaware of. Then ask his forgiveness for it.

Rework the Ideal – Much of the content of our ideal self is false; it is not what an ideal person would be. Check out what needs to be eliminated from your picture of what an ideal you would be. You may need to delete some ideals that come from your family or the culture, instead of from God.

Rework Distortions – Challenge your distorted views of God, yourself, and others. These strongly held beliefs don’t give way easily, but in new relationships, you can unlearn them. Study the Scriptures to see what they say about our ideal, our reality, and what God and salvation are really like.

Monitor the Relationship Between the Ideal and the Real – Listen to the way you respond to the less than ideal. Do you deny it? Do you deny the good? Do you attack and judge? Do you accept and forgive? Many people are stunned to find out how much they attack themselves and others.

Practice Loving the Less than Ideal in Others – Learning to accept badness and weakness in others brings healing in the split of the good and bad. Stay connected to others when they are less than ideal, and you will begin to value real relationship and stop demanding idealism. In this way, attachment increases, and your ability to love grows. The less than ideal begins to matter more than the ideal because you have a real relationship.

Do Not Discard Others When They Are Less Than Perfect – If you have had trouble with going from friend to friend, spouse to spouse, church to church, because you find some little flaw and make them all bad, work on staying in connection and working out the problem. Actively see the good as well as the bad, and love the whole person. Make reality your friend instead of your enemy.

Process and Value Negative Feelings – When you are committed to reality, to both the good and the bad, you will begin to see negative feelings as a part of life. If you fear them less, you can then process them as they arise and avoid all the problems listed in the last chapter. Most problems with negative feelings come from a fear about them. They really are not as bad as you fear they are. Negative feelings will not kill you, but avoiding them may.

Expect Badness and Weakness from Everyone – I’m not suggesting you turn into a pessimist. I’m saying, “Be a realist.” Everyone you know, including yourself, has good and bad, strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, expect to see them in action. When the faults come, embrace them and love them so that you can overcome your splitting of good and bad as well as feel closer to others.

Expect Faults from the Creation – Because the world is real, not ideal, everything can eventually break down. Every holiday you plan can potentially get rained out. Every plant you grow will have some dead leaves. Expect things to go wrong, and you will not be surprised. You will be able to value that less-than-ideal car, house, city that you have or live in. It may not be ideal, but it’s probably good enough.