Life with no regrets – Jack’s story…

I regret many things in my life. I am working on healing from my past, what was done to me and what I have done to myself and others. My most recent regret is my lack of Faith in God. Like Paul in Romans, I so don’t understand or like what I know I choose to do, or rather DON’T DO, and trusting in God for positive outcomes in my life has always been a very real sin problem for me.

This past week has been a whirlwind of much needed spiritual teaching from Him!! It started when a stray tabby-tomcat literally walked into my life all battered and bruised while on vacation. He took to my family immediately, and so totally unafraid he rested in our home away from home. We sheltered him, gave him a new name, mended and patched him, endlessly kissed and hugged him (of course, and only – cuz he let us, truly amazing!) and even provided for all the necessary unpleasant issues needed to be done such as vet checks, shots, bathing and (ugh) neutering. Through it all Jack has been such a tremendous trooper and continually amazes us with his great nature, docile and loving temperament, and acceptance of all the conditions thrust upon him. Jack belongs to us now, we belong to Jack it’s like he’s come home in a way and we’ve totally bonded in less than a week! He’ll be going home to Maryland with us in a few days.

Earlier this week Jack didn’t look so good and I was very worried and afraid for his health, even for his little and so vulnerable life, after all we demanded of him. I allowed my fears to take over and didn’t trust Jack to God’s divine hand and goodness. Then yesterday God spoke to my heart and warmly told me that Jack would be OK, that there were many reasons for His bringing Jack to us, and that He wasn’t giving Jack to us just to take him away through a sudden death. God reminded me to see beyond the circumstances to his deeper work at hand.

There is much more I could share about Jack’s story and his amazing kitty ways. He is doing well and truly resting. But, the deeper story is how God spoke to my heart through Jack’s amazing rescue from the streets. It dawned on me that I am a Jack myself! I was battered about by the world, lost, running scared, broken and bruised – and I happened to come across God. When I knew in my heart who had found me and that I was totally safe with Him, I let go and totally surrendered to God for salvation, much like Jack has done with us! God initially did a lot of binding of my heart, mending and healing – holding, hugging and caressing. God also provided for some very painful procedures that I wouldn’t have chosen for myself but were necessary for my very survival. And, like we will inevitably do with Jack, God will continually watch out for me, heal me, provide and take care of me.

Now, when I find myself lacking trust in God, if I can keep my wits about me, all I need to do is think of Jack and his amazing story of redemption. I think I may carry a picture of him and place one at my desk at work. I need all the reminders I can get!

Thank You Father God, for your loving and tender grace, for your spiritual love and teaching, for your son Jesus, and most of all (right now) – for Jack, and his story! Carole M

Living life with no regrets

As a human being there are so many things to regret. Things that we don’t do, that we should have done, and things we do that we wish we had not done. When we live in the grips of addiction, our lives can feel so wretched as we lose more and more control to drives in our lives that take over our sense of how we should live, and any propriety that we think we may possess.

Saint Paul talks about these feelings in his letter to the Romans in Chapter 7. The dilemma is known to all of us.

The fact is we all fail in our attempts to be “good”. This is part of the human condition. If we cannot accept the “bad” parts of ourselves, we tend to beat ourselves up and live our lives in regret.

This cycle of regret is broken when we accept ourselves as God has accepted us. God loves us so much that he gave his only son to die for us. God did this even though he new in advance that we would blow it so many times. This is the grace that we live in, and it is wonderful gift to be able to live life, and not regret the falls along the way. We know that as long as we live in relationship to God through Christ that we are forgiven and can live outside of the laws that govern sin and death.”

Life’s Storms……

My daughter recently moved with her family to Florida. I talked to her just hours before Hurricane Charley was due to hit her area. She was feeling panicky, but was confident that God would see them through this storm.

There is nothing we can do to prevent the winds and rain of life’s storms from hitting our lives. What can make the difference? Well panicking certainly does not accomplish anything positive. Yet there is a helpless feeling as the inevitable storm dashes our lives into the temporary darkness of uncertainty. Although panic does not accomplish much, it feels like the right thing to do in the moment.

My advice for my daughter was to follow the directions of the local officials, and trust God for the outcome.

When the storms of life enter our lives, the advise is the same. We need to follow the instructions of our higher power, and trust him for the outcome.

Another thing my daughter did was to invite her friend’s family over to her place since they felt that my daughter had a safer shelter from the storm.

We need to invite others into our lives to help us weather our storms as well. Life was intended to be lived in relationship with others, and sharing the stormy times can be a tremendous strength to make it through. I am sure that as they sat the storm out, there was a tremendous bond that was strengthened through the adversity.

When life feels stormy, seek out a friend!

What are you seeking?

We are all seeking something. Is it something that will make you feel better? Better for how long?

As we grow up and develop, there are needs that we have that are hopefully fulfilled by our parents, family and friends. These needs include feeling known, cared for, loved, and appreciated just for being. In a typical mother you find all of these things. Hopefully your mother had all of these qualities when she was raising you. Anything less than this in a family environment creates a dysfunctional family.

Many if not most of us have been raised in dysfunctional families. As adults from dysfunctional families, we seek comfort in what we perceive as “adult” ways. Drinking, partying, drugging, abusing ourselves and others becomes the norm. We feel guilt, shame, loneliness, or self loathing, and we want to feel better.

The real thing we feel in all of this is a loss of connectedness to God and others. Getting this connectedness back is what recovery is all about.

What are you seeking?

If you have looked for God in churches built by man, did you find Him? We need to look deeper for Him than just the trappings of religious traditions. Jesus said that those who worship Him, worship in spirit and truth. Throughout history man has built beautiful and awesome Churches, Mosques, Temples, and Synagogues as places to worship and connect with God. The truth is that these are just physical places. They can bring comfort, and hopefully will bring you closer to followers of God, but until you have invited God to live life in your heart and purpose to share every day of your life with him, this religious experience is in vain.

Many churches today have become purveyors of religious goods and services. They do what they can to out-do other churches. True religion is something that is lived everyday, and is shown by how we live our lives.

What are you seeking?

Comfort can only come to those who have mourned. Rest can only come to those who have worked. Good can only be recognized when you have seen evil. Recovery comes when you do the work to evaluate your life, and purpose to make changes.

Take that good bonding with you!

When we think about bonding, there is a psychological term that is important. That term is “emotional object consistency”. What this means is that we experience bonding with a friend or loved one, that feeling is imprinted in us to the point that even when we are separate we can still feel the love and acceptance. This is an important part of our well being and ability to cope with the normal stress that arises throughout the days of our lives.

When we are not properly bonded, the feelings of anxiety we would feel on a normal day could be overwhelming. Life is very cruel. We get cut off when we drive, snipped at in the office, and the bad news can just pour in. If we can bask in the feelings of comfort and strength that we receive from our close relationships in those stressful time, life can be tolerable.

Psalm 1

Psalm 1

1 Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.
2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.
3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.

4 Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away.
5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

6 For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.

Psalm 1 remains one of my favorite psalms. I memorized it when I was young. It speaks clearly about recovery. I always wanted to picture myself as the well-watered tree. This seemed to be something far from my life until just recently.

Verse one speaks of a person whose life becomes more and more stagnant as he goes from “running the good race” to “walking in the counsel of the wicked”, and then “standing in the way of sinners” and finally to “sitting in the seat of mockers”.

Someday we may wake up, and find our lives at a standstill. No growth no joy. BUT there is recovery for that person.

What does it mean to be blessed? Blessed is an old fashioned word. Joy is a better word, and those of us who know what recovery is all about about know this joy for ourselves.

As we place our delight in the kingdom of God, and make it the place we dwell in both day and night, our lives get moving again. New life fills our veins and we start moving ahead again. New growth appears, and we are like the planted by the streams of water.

What it boils down to is choices. Life is a series of choices. We choose to do the things that our conscience tells us is right, or we choose to follow the urging of what might make us feel good even if it’s just for the moment. In the long run, when all of the marbles are counted, a joyful life comes from making the right choices.

Seek the Lord while you can. Find the new life that can come from recovery of your relationship with Him.

Participate in life and Live!

We cannot grow when we no longer participate in life. When life deals its inevitable hurts into our lives and we naturally want to retreat. Our place of retreat is usually some kind of self-made dungeon where we can feel sorry for ourselves and mope in the privacy of our own dark corner of isolation. To pass the time there, we may self-medicate ourselves with whatever we think might make us feel “just a little bit better”.

This self medication comes in many forms. If could be alcohol, drugs, food, workaholism, or whatever takes our mind off of the troubles. For me, my drug of choice was extreme religion. I wasn’t a wild-eyed radical who stood on street corners spouting hellfire and damnation to all who passed by. No, I simply convinced myself that if I put my trust in Jesus, I could live a life that is problem free. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Problems are an ever present part of every person’s life. Jesus came to give us grace to make it through the problems, not necessarily to deliver us from them.

When others come near our dungeon and try to draw us out, we often become more defensive, and perhaps display anger or other emotions that help the strengthen the walls of the dungeon we live in and make the isolation more complete. The last thing we want is to see a joyful person around us when we just want to be left alone. Alone and miserable.

As we begin to open the windows and doors to our dungeons and let the light of relationships shine in, we will first feel uncomfortable. It has been perhaps a long time since we have seen the light of day, or experienced the warmth of the sunshine against our skin. But the way to ultimately end the misery and find fulfillment in our lives is to let the sunlight begin to shine in on our dungeons. This light is the relationship we have with other people and the warmth of a real and lasting bond. You need to find safe people to relate with and begin to enjoy life in the light of healthy relationships.

When you have lived most of your life in a dark, dank dungeon, you can’t bear to just jump out into the light of day. You need to be sure that there is no present danger to you first, and then begin the journey to living life in the light.

Do you recognize the dungeon that you have created?

How much time do you spend there?

What causes you to retreat to your dungeon?

How do you treat others when you have set up residence in your dungeon?

Do you believe there is a life full of light and warmth waiting for you?

Do you know how to recognize the safe people in your life?

Does Bonding mean “Joined at the hip”?

The experience of proper bonding with another person has been for me the most enjoyable experience of my life. Too many times the baggage from past relationships or the hurtful experiences in our past drive us to improper bonding with others. This improper bonding usually develops into full blown co-dependency.

In proper bonding, closeness will come and go like the waves and tides in the ocean. The two separate persons will maintain their unique identity. When a person is very needy in their life as I was, the closeness becomes the goal, and enmeshment, becomes the resulting relationship. In enmeshment, a person gives up all of their boundaries at any cost. The cost is usually their independent identity.

In a dating relationship it is all too easy to become enmeshed. Both persons are trying to put the best foot forward to attract the other. If one of these persons has had past experiences that cause them to feel more needy, they may be all too willing to sacrifice their own space in order to experience the good feelings that come from the closeness of another.

When bonded properly, friendships can pass the test of time and distance. Some of my best friends live in other places in the country. I don’t see them very often, but when we do, the bond that we have formed in the past is still there just as strong as ever.

One of the lessons that infants learn early come from momma playing peek-a-boo. The child hopefully will learn that momma will can’t always be there to hold and comfort, and sometimes will be hidden. But the child can rest assured that mom will always be there with as much love as the child needs.

To relate or islolate?

It seems like the word that best describes my childhood is isolation. Whether I was truly isolated, or if it was simply a perceived situation I cannot say. I had older siblings, two of which had moved out by the time I was four, and two who still lived at home but were at least 6 year older than I.

The most remembered words that I feel I heard as a child when entering the room were “You better put your things up, here comes Ronnie”. Other peoples things as well as their lives were mostly off limits to me. I was left to have my own toys, and my own world to play in.

When I started school, relating to other kids came hard for me. It was no wonder that by the time I was in my teens, I was suffering from excruciating loneliness. My life was lived mostly in isolation until my thirties or fourties when I discovered the need to have other people in my life.

Bonding still doesn’t come easily for me. I much prefer a quiet location by myself to a noisy room full of people. Sometimes I even can feel overwhelmed when in a noisy and busy location. But there is still nothing I enjoy more than a nice walk, or a quiet drive with my soul mate discussing our thoughts and feelings with each other. To me this feels like how life was meant to be.

I don’t think we can truly fine peace with ourselves, or with our maker until we can experience the true joy of bonding with another person. We feel best able to handle the complex issues that life hands us when we can do so in the context of a caring community of people.

Sorting out our past hurts and issues is crucial to our growth and health. The very best way to do it is when you share the load with other safe and caring people. If you are in a 12 step program, this is done in steps 5 and 6.

Use this site as a resource. Check out the links, and see what may be useful for your life. Comment on this or anything you find here by clicking on the “Comments” link below.

Psalm 145

Psalm 145

A psalm of praise. Of David.

1 [1] I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever.
2 Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever.

3 Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.
4 One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts.
5 They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty, and I will meditate on your wonderful works. [2]
6 They will tell of the power of your awesome works, and I will proclaim your great deeds.
7 They will celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

8 The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.
9 The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.
10 All you have made will praise you, O LORD ; your saints will extol you.
11 They will tell of the glory of your kingdom and speak of your might,
12 so that all men may know of your mighty acts and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations.

The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. [3]
14 The LORD upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.
15 The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time.
16 You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

17 The LORD is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.
18 The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.
19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.
20 The LORD watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy.

21 My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD . Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever.

Since I have never lived in an earthly kingdom I don’t know if I can fully appreciate the opening verse where David calls God our King. However it very much reminds me of the ministry of Jesus since Jesus came to pronounce the kingdom of God.

The Kingdom of God must be full of grace and truth, and it is a place that we can choose to live. I know that since I have begun the process of embracing God’s grace and truth in my life I have known such joy in my life that it seems at times that it cannot be fully contained.

This website is an extension of that. I want to tell others of what the LORD has done for me. I want to share my experience strength and hope with others. I want to tell of the power of God’s mighty works.

My friend, the LORD is gracious and compassionate. As you learn to apply His grace and truth in your life, you too can experience the true joy that comes when your life has been transformed.

I encourage you on your journey to seek out God’s grace and truth in your life. Yes, it can be found through bible study and prayer, but there is so much more. Check our the Changes that Heal section of this Blog for more information, and keep coming back.