The way we perceive ourselves and others can often get us “stuck” at a particular stage of our development. These perceptions need to be explored and challenged so that we can see the error in continuing to think of ourselves and others in this manner. Here are several examples of distorted thinking. We may not be able to rid our lives of them all, but we can certainly gain from recognizing their power in our lives.<\/p>\n
Our View of Ourselves:
\nI am bad if they don’t approve of me. That proves it.
\nI am less than others.
\nI must please others to be liked.
\nI am bad if I disagree.
\nMy opinions are not as good.
\nI have no right to my opinions.
\nI must get permission from others to
\nI am bad if I fail.
\nI shouldn’t feel so sexual.
\nSexual feelings are bad.
\nMy plans will never succeed.
\nI should defer to their beliefs, even though I disagree.
\nI need someone else to manage my life. I am not capable enough.
\nIf I differ, I am wrong.
\nI think they should
\nI shouldn’t let myself feel
\nI am better than they are.
\nMy group is the right group.
\nWe really have the best theology.
\nOur ministry is the only real one.
\nI know what’s best for them.
\nI know better than them.
\nI could never teach him or her anything.
\nAdulthood is out of my grasp. <\/p>\n
Our View of Others:
\nThey are all disapproving and critical.
\nThey are better than me.
\nThey will like me better if I am compliant.
\nThey think that I am wrong or bad for disagreeing.
\nTheir opinions are always right.
\nThey will think I am bad for failing.
\nThey have no weaknesses.
\nThey never fail like I do.
\n____ is easy for them.
\nTheir beliefs are better than mine.
\nThey know what’s best for me.
\nThey never feel ____ .
\nThey know everything.
\nThey are never this afraid, or mad, or sad, or _____ .
\nThey will hate me for standing up to them. <\/p>\n
Our View of God:
\nGod likes for me to be nice to everyone.
\nGod wants me to always defer to my authorities, never question-
\nGod does not want me to run my own life. He wants my “leaders” to do that.
\nGod disapproves of me when I fail, just as my parents disapproved.
\nGod does not like me to be aggressive.
\nGod does not like me to disagree with the pastor.
\nGod does not allow me freedom to choose some of my own values. They are all prescribed in the Bible. There are no gray areas.
\nGod thinks others are more (or less) important than me.
\nGod wants me to adhere to a bunch of rules.
\nGod likes discipline and sacrifice more than compassion, love, and relationship. <\/p>\n
Our View of the World:
\nCompetition is bad; someone always gets hurt.
\nDisagreement is bad; someone always gets hurt.
\nConflict is bad; someone always loses.
\nThere is no such thing as a “win-win” relationship.
\nPeople who are people-pleasers are liked better than people who say what they think.
\nEverything has a “right answer.” Especially since we have the Bible.
\nThere is a right and wrong way of seeing everything. Perspective makes no difference.
\nFlexibility is license and lawlessness.
\nSexuality is evil.
\nThere is a right and a wrong way to do everything.
\nIt will never work. <\/p>\n
These heartfelt convictions about God, self, and others that many of us have learned through experience are barriers to becoming an adult. Some of them we probably learned in the family we grew up in; others are just a part of the pre-adult mind. In any event, they can only be overcome with work, risk, prayer, relationship, and practice. The next chapter will explore the skills needed to become an adult. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The way we perceive ourselves and others can often get us “stuck” at a particular stage of our development. These perceptions need to be explored and challenged so that we can see the error in continuing to think of ourselves and others in this manner. Here are several examples of distorted thinking. We may not … Continue reading Barriers to thinking like an adult<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-96","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-changes-that-heal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wwg1wga.recoverme.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/96","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wwg1wga.recoverme.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wwg1wga.recoverme.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wwg1wga.recoverme.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wwg1wga.recoverme.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=96"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/wwg1wga.recoverme.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/96\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":167,"href":"https:\/\/wwg1wga.recoverme.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/96\/revisions\/167"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wwg1wga.recoverme.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=96"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wwg1wga.recoverme.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=96"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wwg1wga.recoverme.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=96"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}